I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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