i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.