I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day