Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
