Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Randomize
