Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed