just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
