apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
