Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
