It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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