Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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