apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
