he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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