i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
