We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
