you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Vodka?
Forever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
