Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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