ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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