Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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