I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
