On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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