Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
