eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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