We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
