Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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