Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
