I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
