Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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