i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
