just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
