Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
