i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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