i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
