Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
