he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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