So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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