No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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