you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
