Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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