my phone needs a breathalizer
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
