i think i have herpe
just one?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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