I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
