He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
