Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
