Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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