we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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