he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
