you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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