My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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