I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
