I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You are a genius and a whore.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
