i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
bring money and cleavage
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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