Just cropdusted the office
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
