I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
