Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
