My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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