dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
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I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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