We named our party play list daddy issues
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
