is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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