Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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