i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
