I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
