I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
