Plan B is the new Plan A
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
