I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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