i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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